Our Sanctuary

Fel will be back in just 2 days! YAY!

My highlight of the day each time I walk into the office. Why when I walk into the office? Just because time practically flies when I'm at work. We haven't been really conversing on the phone these few days mainly because he's been busy doing last minute shopping and what not. I got up at 2.30am again this morning so I decided to ring him, spoke for about 15mins and I gladly went back to bed. Sometimes its strange how I always almost feel better whenever I speak to him.

Thursday is also my dad's birthday and my mom has planned a dinner with relos, told Fel about it and at first he wasn't very pleased because he said "Why does it have to be on the day I get back??" and went on to say "How are we gonna spend time together" Oh well it IS my dad's birthday so we will attend the dinner besides we have the whole weekend and the whole night after that to talk ourselves silly. Wonder what I should get for my dad though probably just a card, he's not one that fancies extravagent presents he only ever wants what he needs. Fel is getting him a jacket so I'll prolly pitch into that together with a $50 note in a card? Shall see what happens. My money is slowly flying out the door with all my expenses.

Come March I've got my private insurance premium to pay and that is gonna cost me roughly $650 or so. I don't even want to look at my mobile bill, not to mention I need to get myself to the dentist as my wisdom tooth is really bugging me. I think it cost $500 just to pull out ONE tooth and you would need to pull out TWO at one go so that's gonna cost me a grand! YIKESSSS....!! Its only the beginning of the month and already I need more money!

By the way Valentines Day is just next week! Those of you in Sydney do come over to Double Bay as we are having a lucky draw. Spend $25 and above at any store and you will be in a running for a romantic getaway for 2 during the Valentines weekend, complete with champagne, chocolate dipped strawberries, valet parking and full buffet/in room breakfast. Sounds good ei? Sadly I can't participate as I organized it! But maybe I should get Fel to enter...haha...nah thats cheating. Apparently the barrell downstairs have had quite a number of entries. Am happy that it is working out well!

48 more hours....it isn't very long right?

::: posted by Sass O at Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Monday, February 02, 2004 :::

Good Morning everyone and welcome to a brand new week in February! The weekend was just fine for me had dinner with my immediate family on Saturday and on Sunday with my cousin and baby Audrey too. Sunday saw me staying home, reading, relaxing and chatting with my besties online. After dinner on Saturday with my family I have come to realize how frustrated I am with my brother. It has been a constant problem but it was only then and after much thought that night that I realized my brother has not matured since he was 12 years old.

My parents and I were having this casual conversation about jewellery. I wanted to change my pendant as I have been wearing it for the past few months and asked my mom which was at home and which was in the safe. My dad asked why I said Its getting boring wearing the same old one! He laughed cause he knew I did not mean that fully so he snickered and said to my mom she can get bored with jewellery what more diamonds! My mom in turn laughed too cause after all it was a light hearted casual conversation. What part did my brother play in this? He had to comment in his awful sounding voice and tone not to mention with that expression on his face whilst stuffing himself with food, he said "You only know how to spend money but never save, who do you think we are, we aren't rich etc etc" And so went on his babble and nonsense. He even commented that the only thing I knew how to do was spend money, not value money and not know how to save. I was furious because who was he to comment on MY hard earned money and what does he know about even earning money?

I knew my parents were on my side because lately my brother has been horribly commentative, snappy and more often than not, WRONG. I almost snapped at him but my mom gave me the signal to quiet down since we were after all having a family dinner. Once I dropped them off and got home I got thinking...Why does my brother have to be that way? Of course I was fuming by his comments, he also mentioned that I do not do charity and attacked me by saying I only ever want to donate to The Salvation Army and nothing else. Sometimes I do not understand my brother, he does not want to know how the world works. All he thinks of is his own believes and thinking that the entire world is just honest and straight.

Is he telling me that I should donate to every single person or organization who comes up to me? I think I have lived long enough to know that there are more cons around than we know. I wanted to explain to him my choice of charitable organisation but I knew it would be futile, to a certain extent I have given up. I'd rather he fall and learn lessons the hard way than to explain ANYTHING to him because I know no matter how hard I try he will end up attacking me. Only reason why I choose The Salvation Army is because they are internationally recognized and they are not dodgy. When they come round collecting donations they are in uniform and they have a badge. It is very well known that alot of other charities like these are shams, I want to help but I do not want my money going to the wrong people. Also I have financially adopted a child from China under the World Vision program. Does my brother understand or know all these? NO...he's too caught up in his own world, refusing to understand other people's views.

I got really mad basically because he stated that I do not know how to handle my money. Here's what I do and I wonder...am I that bad with my money? My parents havent even complained one bit! Every month I hand my parents money, have a savings account set up where money is automatically transferred into, pay my own bills AND to top if off hand my brother monthly allowance! WHAT NERVE does he have to say I do not know how to handle money? I mentioned to Fel how frustrated I was with him and Fel told me don't worry you know how immature he is. HOW TRUE.

He is not even self efficient. He relies on my mother for every single thing, here's part of it. My mom has to yell at him to get up and yell at him to sleep. Then she'll nag him till he showers and eats. Sometimes he'll yell from the bathroom for my mom to get him clothes because he forgot to bring them in. I mean what kind of an attitude is that for someone who will be starting uni this year? I wonder if he actually realizes that he is only digging his own grave by acting this way. Since I have been driving to work with my Dad every morning he has been telling me how worried he is of my brother. He does not have any friends, does not try at all to keep in touch with the friends from high school here or back in Malaysia, refuses to listen to advises, his life revolves around the computer, tv, xbox or ps2 (not to metion Xbox and Ps2 are Fel's!) There are so many more to list but I shall not go into detail.

What gets to me is that he dares to attack and comment on my way of life when he has not tried to make himself any better. Shouldn't I give myself the luxury I choose to when I have worked hard to graduate, worked hard to get my first job and last but not least worked hard to land myself the job I have now. I am glad and proud of who I have turned out to be, I thank my parents for giving me the guidance and financial needs but I also know that though they placed that path before me it is entirely up to me to make it work. In short I am exceptionally furious and frustrated at my brother for commenting on who I am when he himself is not even half of who I am. Since I was 16 I have lived on my own, learnt to cook, learnt to clean and was responsible for managing time between uni, my social life and work. Something he has utterly zero ability in. I know my parents are glad that I learnt to be self efficient at a young age, it came as a surprise to both myself and my parents considering I had a maid my entire life. I admit that I have put my parents through alot of heartache but every teenager does, it is just a matter of growing out of it and learning but my brother is adamant on holding onto his own believes that more often than not are not applicable to daily life. My dad even said that my brother only knows how to talk and plan but nothing is ever in action.

He probably says that I am materialistic but I have my own principle. If one does not yearn for a better life monetarily or spiritually one would not have the courage to succeed. Why? Here's my thinking and I shall use examples from my own life. I have a great weakness for designer bags however I have NEVER bought them on credit, I always save enough to buy them. Though bags are my weakness I see them as mini goals. Once I am able to purchase the bag I feel contented because it is fully mine, I have worked hard for it and I did not need to put it on credit. I use the same philisophy in life, set mini goals in order to better yourself, once they are achieved it makes you happier and gives you more confidence in your next goal. I explained this to my brother but he did not understand what I meant, all he said was money is not everything happiness is. Call him naive or call me materialistic but I believe that without money in our community contentment will not always be achieved. How did I become who I am today? Thanks to my parents who worked hard so that they would be able to fund me through private schools and pay for Uni fees. Now tell me....isn't money important as well? If life were so simple and we lived on just happiness I guess there wouldn't be wars, starving children and what not.

Sigh...I wonder when he will grow up because it is too slow and worrying my parents. My dad commented that if he carries on this way he will only be like my cousin. That of course is another story but my cousin was exactly like my brother before and now that he is in his 30s I do not see much difference only that he's got a wife and kid.

Ugh! It is so infuriating! Tell me...am I wrong here?

P/S :- Fel and I are thinking of signing up for Mandarin Classes! Fel has no knowledge what-so-ever and though I have learnt for a while but years of not speaking or writing have left me with almost no knowledge too!

::: posted by Sass O at Monday, February 02, 2004